Signs....yeah baby!

OK....whether you believe in signs or not.... Back in August Jeff and I were out running errands the day after he told me he wanted to adopt. I was so scared and filled with fear about whether or not I was ready to be a parent. We were driving and talking about our concerns regarding being "older" parents and whether or not we could handle the lifestyle changes. We decided to stop at a yard sale where we saw a little boy selling lemonade. As I was browsing I saw a book titled , Planning a Wedding for Older Couples. I laughed and said, "Geez we could have used this." The lady hosting the yard sale said, "Well, becoming a parent at 40...now that's a real challenge." Then she went on to say how much she loved it and how she had been afraid but it was totally worth it. I was sort of gobsmacked since we had just been discussing that very thing. I told her of our possible adoption decision and she handed me six huge baby rearing books! She said, " I want you to have these." and she refused to let me pay her the 25 cents per book. Jeffrey and I got in the car and I was smiling from ear to ear because I KNEW it was a sign. He was more reserved but he did own up to the coincidence of the timing. So on we went to Walmart. While we were at walmart we entered the baby section for the first time as a couple or with any sense of purpose. Jeffrey was determined to buy a pink Red Sox uniform, size 12 months. We figured 12 months was about what our mysterious future daughter would be. I had alot of fear about buying ANYTHING because then it would be real. I would really have to be a parent. I would really have to stop sleeping in and be responsible and change diapers. So he searched and searched and found nothing. Then as we were walking away there it was...hanging on the end of an oddball rack. The only one. A size 12 months. He was super pleased with himself but yet did not want to admit that this was another sign.

OK....so two weeks later I am sick as a dog. I took some cold medicine and it caused my heart to go way too fast for several hours. My heart is the reason pregnancy may be too high risk and it is a very discouraging part of my life. The meds to control my heart should I have issues during pregnancy present very serious risks to a fetus. My options presented by my DR. seem very "lose/lose" hence the decision to adopt. Anyway, I wound up in the ER and they had to cardio convert me which means they shot medincine into my heart which is supposed to breifly stop your heart, breaking the abnormal rhythm and then your heart will restart at a more normal pace . It was a terrifying experience and just reminded me how messed up my heart can be. The next day I was driving to my DR. to make sure everything was back to normal. I was so sad at how unfit I was and so discouraged by how hard it is to exercise with an arrhythmia. I was doubting my ability to keep up with a child and just plain bummed out. On the side of the road was this gorgeous couple jogging along with a stroller and I was envious of the ease of their fitness and health. They were my age, they had a baby, they didn't worry about their tickers. I hated them. They looked like an LL Bean advertisement. I glanced at the jogging stroller and there was a little chinese face looking right at me. Even though I felt like I was whizzing by... time stood still and she smiled at me and then she waved.
Now that's a sign! Even Jeff had to agree.
Go ahead.....make fun of me. I don't care! :)